Weapons of Mass Impact

  I am not a positive person. I am not the person you can come to when life screws you over. Because I'll agree with you when you say, "Life sucks" and we'll both be sitting there trying to figure out where it all went wrong. But I must applaud myself on a job well done. Because a week ago, on a Monday of all days, I didn't let that negativity be the leader of my day. I was well aware the day was going to be quite horrible. I knew the night before. I knew before I got out of bed. Yet, some part of me didn't want to accept that. That day, I didn't want to start the day with a loss. I didn't want to be defeated before I even played. It was beginning to be exhausting both physically and mentally. And that's when I realized it didn't have to be so bad. In that moment, I found it. The way to conquer the enemy.

   The first sip of a perfect cup of coffee. Laughing fits that make you clutch your stomach. Gas being a few cents cheaper on the day you fill up. Getting all the green lights on the way home. The smallest little joys that we take for granted everyday are our weapons. Each little thing that make you smile or make that weight seem a little lighter can make a storm seem like a drizzle. To me, my life seems to be in a constant state of noise and small explosions while I step over spilled milk and chickens that never hatched. But one day, just one, I found that I was capable of making it all go away, not literally, but I guess what I'm saying is that I found a way to ignore it and I saw the small, good things were happening among the madness. And those joys carried me to the end of that day despite all the shitty things that did happen. 

  The next day I tried to do the same thing. It didn't work. For every small joy I found it seemed to come with a large side of unpleasantness. Yet, I'm not disappointed in myself for that. I know what kind of person I am and that was a huge deal for me. Taking the underrated moments in life and tucking them away in my pocket made such a difference in the outcome of my day. And if it never happens again, fine. But now I have more than just that one day. I have faith in myself. I know that I am not doomed to be miserable and that even in the turmoil, the tools to happiness are right there waiting to be used.